(Written during lockdown)

You read your name on your blanket 
Made by Granny 
“That’s the letter 3”
You say as you reach the ‘e’
Your brain tick ticking away
Making connections in curious ways
And it kind of make sense
Without over thinking
“They look similar”
You say.
You burst into a rendition of 
The alphabet song 
At full volume
All signs of sleep
Quickly gone.
L M N O P
Turns to
Lemon Ellow Pea
And I think of Elmer in yellow 
Eating peas.
It kind of makes sense
Without over thinking.
You finally reach Z 
Your head touches the pillow
Still humming away
We say goodnight
And I leave your room
Hoping the alphabet song will follow
So I can throw it out the window 
It’s jingling tune going round in my head
L M N O P L M N O P on repeat
As I walk down the stairs with Elmer 
To find some peas and something yellow.
Wondering if this is lockdown fatigue setting in
Or just regular tiredness
Or if my mind is slightly loosing the plot 
In the world of a 3 year old
Which would kind of make sense
Without over thinking.

(written during lockdown)

“Can we get a toastie Mummy 
 And then an ice cream?”
 You skip along 
 Innocently oblivious to the doom of 
 Drizzly Sunday mornings in the park. 
 “If Ivan is open” I say
 If Ivan is there, all will be fine.
 Ivan who always wears a white T-shirt
 Ivan who doesn’t know our names
 But we know his.
 Ivan who doesn’t know he is a household name
 In our house.
 It’s the only time in our week during this 
 Never ending lockdown
 Where I don’t have to make 
 My own cup of tea.
 He cuts up a chocolate tiffin 
 Into 4 pieces 
 Because I asked him to do that once 
 And he remembered.
 The park is bearable on cold winter mornings 
 With Ivan in his hut.
 A reassuring presence without many words 
 And a cup of tea
 Made for me. 
 That makes me so happy. 

(Written during lockdown)

I think I say the same things at roughly the same time 
Every day.
Often starting the day with
“Poppet it’s early, come and lie down in my bed for a bit”
“I won’t lie down I’ll sit up” you say
“Ok sit up and play with your toys while I lie down”
“I want you to sit up too Mummy”
And so the day begins
When I’ve given into the fact I won’t go back to sleep, 
We get up.
We do a 15 minutes Joe Wicks high intensity workout 
“Mummy I wonder if he’ll have a pony tail today”
And you’re pleased to see he does.
“Grab a drink Mummy”
“Hang on a sec, we’ve only just started”
“Come on mummy you can do it”
You say as you push my back and poke my ear
I say thank yous to keep you in a good mood
While trying to keep my cool.
After battling my way through physical harshness
And flashes of intense emotions
At an unreasonable hour in the morning
Our workout is complete.
More predictable interactions anchor our morning
“Can I watch the Clangers?”
“After breakfast”
“No now”
“After breakfast, it’ll be ready in a minute”
“Muuuuuuum”
And we continue
Our predictable morning routine
With 5 minutes to go before we leave for nursery
You predictably need a poo 
I try to keep my cool
“Chill with the will Mummy”
I think to myself I didn’t know I said that
Enough for you to remember it.
We finally tumble out of our front door
“What a dark, grim day” you say quickly followed by
“It’s only rain, we can still have fun”
And you skip off down the road
“Mind the poo, go around it” you shout
And I hear my voice in your voice
As the day has begun, ready to set sail 
For another day
The same day
Just a few hours on.