Patterns

‘Want to come in your room’ 
you say at 5am
Oh no, I think, 
please, please not again 
‘Want to come in your room’ 
you say with a whine
Be strong I think, 
she’s not coming in this time

I say ‘just lie down 
for a little bit more
I’ll come back soon 
and open the door’
‘No, no 
want to come in your room’

You voice echoes in the dark
‘Ooh Little Roo, 
it’s such an early start’
‘I’ll lie down and go to sleep’ 
you say with a plead
2 years ago you used to wake 
for early feeds

The pattern of waking changes 
from time to time
At the moment 5am 
is not a favourite of mine
‘But no Little Roo 
it’s just too early’
‘But I want to come in your bed, 
it’s so cosy’

‘Well we can make a deal 
which is you must lie down
Please be quiet for a while, 
it’s too early for sound’
‘Yes yes’ you say, 
‘I wuv you Mummy’
That makes it harder 
and also quite funny
‘Come on then’ 
I say with a yawn
We clamber into my bed 
where it’s still a bit warm

I lie down and say 
‘lie down too’
‘Books, milk and animals’ 
‘Oohhhh Little Roo
We made a deal, 
I just need a bit longer’
‘Nooo’ you say 
leaving me no time to ponder
And so the day starts 
too soon once again
Better plan the day 
and find a friend.
I roared like a lion in your face
You didn’t flinch an inch
You told me to keep still
I told you to fuck off
You didn’t flinch an inch

I roared like a lion in your face
You didn’t flinch an inch
You told me you’d do the epidural
You skilfully timed it in between contractions
You didn’t flinch an inch

I roared like a lion in your face
Then the drugs kicked in
I looked at you and felt bad for what I’d said
You knew what I was thinking
You smiled
You didn’t flinch an inch.
 
I don’t need anything
I would say regularly
She’ll live outside and run nappy free
We’ve got the birds, the sky, the lime tree 

I don’t need anything
I would say regularly

She’ll have enough to look at
And she can play with me
I don’t need anything
Oh how wrong I could be 
About needing anything
Apart from the giant lime tree
Just enjoy the moment
People say
I hear this 
Almost everyday
It won’t last forever
I do know that
Soon she’ll be painting her nails
And moving out of the flat
It’s all very well
I think in my head
But when I’ve had forty minutes sleep
All I can think about is bed
And I do enjoy the moment
Just not every one
There are so many in a day
But I do enjoy some
Everything seems to happen
In ten minute bursts
I can put you in the rocking chair
Have a shower and wash my hair
Sometimes I can make breakfast
Occasionally eat it too
And then the time is up
And it’s back to me and you
You laughed today
My heart missed a beat
I couldn’t quite believe it
Fleeting but what a treat

A few days later
You smiled
This time your eyes joined in
Your dimple in your left cheek showed
Oh what a treat
You’re like a little mole
Your eyes tightly shut
Snuffling and sniffing
Burrowing through a sleepy hole