“I want a Daddy” you shout at the top of your voice
The tidy looking woman next to us pretends not to hear
Sipping her double latte wishing she’d not sat so near 
How you gonna deal with that one
She must be wondering 
I’ll show you I think to myself
“Why don’t I have a Daddy,
Buy me one” you continue
And I remember quickly back
To the book I made for you.
I’ve memorised the lines
To use in these times
“I really wanted to have a baby,” I say
“I didn’t meet the right man
To be your Daddy
So I went to a clinic which is a bit like a hospital 
And they said they could 
Help me”.
You look at me intently listening to each word 
“There is a way to have children
Without needing to find the right person.
So that’s what I did.
They helped me have a baby 
And that baby was you”.
That was the abbreviated version
Just to calm you momentarily 
Although now I wish I’d gone into more detail
And included the words
Sperm and Egg and Donor in a loud voice
Just so I could’ve see the tidy woman’s reaction.
“I love you Mummy” you shout
“I didn’t want a Daddy anyway”
You say
That’s how I deal with that one, tidy woman, I think.
Fast forward a year and a half
We’re at a friends house
“Where’s your Daddy?”
Your friend’s sister asks
For a second I look at you to check
Your reaction
Then I step in and repeat our story
And the friend’s sister listens, taking it all in.
You look at me 
And with our eyes we have a conversation 
While we carry on eating our tea.
We check each other’s reactions
We know we’re both just fine
These conversations will keep happening 
From time to time
So it’s good to practise and know what to say
We finish our baked potato
And you all go off and play.

Have you been to Lak...
Where did you say that par...
How’s your Mu...
What did you get up to at the...
We went to ...
What’s that place called near ...
What have you got for dinner, I need some inspirati...
Do you want to share some ca...
Next weekend we’re going to stay in a...
I’ve booked 3 nights camping at a We...
Thinking of going to the festival near ...
Do you ever end up wondering about wha...
Fancy going out next Sa...

One day I’ll get to finish my sentences 
to friends in the park but for now I’ll 
just have to be patie...

You shout in my face
You say I smell of poo
You try to bite me 
You say “I don’t like you”
You wail on the floor
You go bright red
You throw your shoes around
And shake your head
You look explosive
It’s hard not to match you
With your threenager roars
I try it out 
I get on all fours
And I roar my terrible roars 
Like the Wild Things do
With Max when he says to his Mum
"I'll eat you up".
I stomp about the kitchen
I slam doors
I match your behaviour 
And forget all my chores
I hit the door 
I lie on the floor
I’m a Wild Thing after all
And I realise you’re looking at me
As if I was three
For a moment there’s silence 
As you try to work out
What the hell I’m on about
Then you carry on
And I collapse in a heap
Until I find the energy 
To try every technique 
To help you out of this rage
It’s like you’re stuck on the same page
Over and over you go
And then boom you’ve stopped
Just like that
Something must have finally snapped
You out of your trance
And into a dance
As if nothing happened
And I’m left wondering if I just imagined
Everything I saw
I feel like I’ve been washed up on the shore
And so the day continues
And finishes 
And another day starts
And your roars keep coming
Again and again
Never failing to leave me wondering
Is this just what happens 
And I have to remind myself
You’re three
I’m not
So just keep loving you
And remember we are so lucky 
With everything we've got.