You shout out my name
The volume makes my ears ring
Unable to think.
You shout it again
This time louder and with force
“I’m doing a wee”
I shout down the stairs
“I just need a wee, hang on”
You shout out my name
Again
And
Again
And
Again
It sounds like you're ready to explode
I walk back down the stairs
Feeling anger bubbling away.
"You knew I was going to do a wee,
Why do you have to shout like that?"
"I want plaits in my hair today"
You say
And I have to remember, you are 3 
Living in the moment
Is really what you do
And what people spend a whole life time
Remembering how to do it
But it's very hard to think that
When all I needed was a wee.

No-one really mentioned patience
Before you came along
It wasn’t top 3 of people’s top tips
They seemed to miss out that one.

Why oh why I wonder
When patience is what I’m always after
Patience not just from anyone
But patience from a f***ing Saint.

Brushing teeth is fatal
A place where my patience dies
Getting you dressed is also a time
When patience finds a place to hide.

Putting footwear on for some reason is tricky
I look for patience but it’s gone
These are the times in the day, everyday
When it’s tricky me being the only one.

When I’m tired or hungry or just a bit low
When my patience is depleted 
It’s got nothing to show
That’s when I need a Saint to show 
With a seed of patience I can plant and grow.

When you’re finally in bed
At the end of a long day
I say I Love You and shut the door
Patience has long since drifted away.

I take a breath in and I breathe out slowly
I tumble down the stairs 
And say to no-one 
Please 
give 
me 
the patience 
of a 
f***ing 
Saint.

“I want a Daddy” you shout at the top of your voice
The tidy looking woman next to us pretends not to hear
Sipping her double latte wishing she’d not sat so near 
How you gonna deal with that one
She must be wondering 
I’ll show you I think to myself
“Why don’t I have a Daddy,
Buy me one” you continue
And I remember quickly back
To the book I made for you.
I’ve memorised the lines
To use in these times
“I really wanted to have a baby,” I say
“I didn’t meet the right man
To be your Daddy
So I went to a clinic which is a bit like a hospital 
And they said they could 
Help me”.
You look at me intently listening to each word 
“There is a way to have children
Without needing to find the right person.
So that’s what I did.
They helped me have a baby 
And that baby was you”.
That was the abbreviated version
Just to calm you momentarily 
Although now I wish I’d gone into more detail
And included the words
Sperm and Egg and Donor in a loud voice
Just so I could’ve see the tidy woman’s reaction.
“I love you Mummy” you shout
“I didn’t want a Daddy anyway”
You say
That’s how I deal with that one, tidy woman, I think.
Fast forward a year and a half
We’re at a friends house
“Where’s your Daddy?”
Your friend’s sister asks
For a second I look at you to check
Your reaction
Then I step in and repeat our story
And the friend’s sister listens, taking it all in.
You look at me 
And with our eyes we have a conversation 
While we carry on eating our tea.
We check each other’s reactions
We know we’re both just fine
These conversations will keep happening 
From time to time
So it’s good to practise and know what to say
We finish our baked potato
And you all go off and play.